Friends We Can Trust

I’ve been blogging a lot lately about how good it feels to relate to people in trust. Trust allows you to freely accept and love others. When you trust people, you don’t judge or condemn them. You don’t react negatively to the way they act. You’ll see them do things that you don’t necessarily admire, sure, but they’re only human, just like you. So you love them with the same trust and mercy that God gives you.

tworoadstworoomsI have to tell you, I did not live this way for a long time. I wanted to! And I had the knowledge to do it. But I just didn’t put it all together. Now, after sitting with the TrueFaced guys and taking their courses, it’s all come together for me. In my relationships, I feel so free, and people feel free around me. This is true in my family and in my friendships. My wife and I have Christian friends that live with this trust mentality, and we have a great time together.

Do you have Christian friends who are always correcting you or judging you? Do they disapprove of what you say or do? I’ve been around people like that before. They keep me from being fully honest when I’m with them, because I don’t want to expose myself. I see how judgmental they are, so I don’t trust them with my whole self. I think we’ve all met someone like that. It’s exhausting, right?

But my wife and I have friends who live in trust, and they can come over to our house every day if they want to. We’re never exhausted. I think people who live in trust also live in freedom, and so it’s relaxing and energizing to be around them. We talk and we share our frustrations. We help each other. We say things like, “Yeah, I’ve been through that.” Or, “Here’s an idea. How about approaching it this way?” We never chide or chastise each other. We don’t say, “You need to do this better.” We say, “Let’s help each other. Let’s get a game plan together.”

That’s what friendship is all about. That’s what relationship is all about. And I think that’s what God is all about. God says, “Look, I know you’re going to mess up. I’m here to walk through it with you. When you mess up, I’ll say, ‘Jeremy. Okay. Let’s strategize. You know you have my Spirit in you, so you have the ability to not sin. You have the ability to live in righteousness and holiness. So all we have to do is figure this out together. How can we do this? How can I walk with you through this? And how can I encourage you through this?’”

That’s the God that I feel close to! I’m so happy! I get to say that He is my Savior and my Lord and my God and my King. I’m not talking about a God who is a dictator. My Savior does not put me to shame. My Lord and King loves me and encourages me and helps me! And so that’s what I’m going to do for my friends.

See you Thursday.

I Love Sinners!

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

It is impossible to please God without trusting Him. And without trust, it’s impossible for your wife to please you. It’s impossible for you to please your wife. It’s impossible for you to please your kids, and it’s impossible for your kids to please you. You can go down the line with this. You need trust in your family. You have to be able to look at them and say, “You’re going to mess up. I know that, and I still love you. Thank you for trusting me. I’m glad you can come to me and tell me how you messed up. I trust you too, so I’m going to tell you how I messed up. I don’t necessarily do everything right, so I’m going to need some grace here. I’m going to need some forgiveness. I’m going to need some mercy. Can you extend that to me? I am a good person. I am holy and righteous in Jesus Christ.”

This is what should be happening in the church. This is the culture that the church should nourish, if it wants to thrive. Why do so many kids leave the church before they get to college? Why is the Christian church getting smaller by the day? It’s because people don’t trust each other. They judge each other. It is a drag. You have to perform, acting like everything is always great and you never make any mistakes. It is very, very exhausting.

Hanging out with non-believers can be a pretty different experience. They’re not living a moral life, so they don’t condemn you. Sometimes you feel more freedom around them than around believers, because you’re not being judged. You’re trusted. You’re just being. It’s refreshing!

I am righteous and holy, and I like to sit with non-believers. I’m not going to say, “Oh, I can’t hang around those people. They’re not righteous and holy.” You know what? I believe the aroma of Christ can flow off of them. So I’m going to make sure that they feel loved by me. I won’t partake in their lifestyle choices, and they will see that. But I’m still going to love on them and have fun with them. I’m going to make them feel comfortable. They’re going to trust me, and I’m going to trust them. We’re going to talk, and we’re going to be real.

And the next thing you know, they’re going to say, “Man, it is really a joy to be around you! I don’t have to get drunk, and I don’t have to sleep with you. I don’t have to do all that to be accepted. I can just be around you and I’m comfortable!” Or they might say, “I don’t have to brag about how many girls I’ve slept with, or how many guys I’ve slept with, or how drunk I can get on the weekends. I don’t have to brag about all of that stuff to you to feel accepted. You just accept me for who I am!” And then I can say, “Yeah! I love you man!”

When I say that, they’re going to ask why. “Why do you love me?” And I can say, “Because I’ve got Jesus, man. And I love you with the love of Jesus. And Jesus loved the sinners. He loved them!”

Back in the day, that’s how the church grew. It grew daily because of all the trust. People said, “We’re serving each other, man. You have a problem? We’re going to love on you. We’ll pray about it. We’ll ask God what to do. We’ll talk about it. But we’re not going to hide from it. We’re not going to make you hide from it. We’re not going to cause you to live in shame, and we don’t want to be ashamed of you. We live in freedom!”

And I’m telling you, this is what we are called to do. This is what the church is called to do. This is relationship.

Next time, I’ll tell you a little bit about how this looks in friendship. See you Monday.

Jesus Loves Sinners

Jesus was the epitome of self-control. He could hang with drunks and all kinds of sinners and not get angry with them.

Think about it. When Jesus got angry, it was not with sinners. Jesus got angry with the people that claimed to be followers of God, and yet deceived other people. That was when Jesus had zeal and righteous anger. He said, “You people are the ones who caused me to get angry. Not the sinners. You. Why am I angry? You go around saying that all these people are not worthy of the Kingdom of Heaven because they’re not as good as you. Not as good as you? You are evil! You’re more evil than the sinners are. You’re whitewashed tombs. You’re a brood of vipers. You know those sinners you look down on? At least they admit that they stink. Those sinners I hang out with say, ‘You know, I am a drunk.’ Or, ‘Yes, I did commit adultery.’”

woman-at-the-wellLook at what happened when Jesus met the woman at the well. He asked her, “Where’s your husband?” And she replied, “Well, I don’t have one.” And He said to her, ‘Well, you’ve had five. And the one you’re living with now? You don’t even know his name.” And what did she say to Him? She said, “You’re right!” She didn’t run in shame! She just admitted it. She came right out and said, “Yeah, that’s who I am.” And God said, “Now, here’s where I can love on you.”

You see? I used to think that Jesus could hang out with sinners because He’s God, so He’s loving and forgiving. He knew their sins before they did, so He was able to work with it. That is true, but now I realize that the real reason He could hang with sinners isn’t all that complicated. Jesus just flat out loved His neighbor as Himself.

The only way you can love your neighbor as yourself is to love on him with grace and trust. You cannot love your neighbor if you don’t trust him. You can’t! And I’m not talking about blind, foolish trust. I don’t think you should say, “Hey, I don’t know you, Joe Blow, but I’m going to tell you my deepest, darkest secrets, and here’s the code to my house, and my bank account number.” That’s not the kind of trust I’m talking about. I’m talking about trusting that your neighbors are human beings. They will fail like human beings. They will not add up. That’s what people do. That’s what we all do. Human beings don’t add up, and we fail. We mess up, because we don’t all live by the Spirit all of the time.

Being able to trust people is difficult. Giving grace to people instead of burying them in judgment is very difficult, but it becomes easy when you trust God. Trust pleases Him. Without faith, it is impossible to please him!

More on this next time. See you Thursday.

Beating Addiction with Trust

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Most people who have addictions are struggling with control issues. When something gets out of control, they go to an addiction, because that’s something they can control. You’ll hear someone say, “See that guy? He has a porn addiction.” But I think it’s just a sign that he has a control issue. Or you’ll hear, “He’s addicted to alcohol.” But that’s probably not the root of the problem. The root of the problem is likely a lack of control.

Maybe what’s really going on with him is that his work is out of control, his family is out of control, his kids are out of control, his relationships are out of control, and his marriage is out of control. What can he control right now? He can control how much alcohol he puts in his system. So he’s going to be a drunk, because that’s what he can control.

Or maybe he discovers that even though everything else is out of control, he can still control his computer screen. So he’s going to go to that website, because there, he feels like he’s in control. Those girls can give him visuals and acceptance, and trick his mind. He will let them do all those things, because everything else is out of his control.

selfcontrolWhat a relief it is to figure out that the only thing you’re supposed to control is yourself! The Bible says you should have self-control. Not wife control, kid control, employee control, or other people control. The Bible doesn’t say anything about that. The Bible says the fruit of the Spirit is self-control.

When people quit trying to control everything around them and replace that with trust, trusting their husband or wife, trusting their kids, trusting their employees, trusting their boss, just trusting other people, then they will learn self-control.

There are not enough people in the church with the right attitude about this. There are not enough people open to helping each other with their control issues, and it should be 100% the opposite. In the church, we should be very open to it. Everyone in the church should know that if they have an issue, it’s okay to come forward. We’re not going to listen to you just so we can gossip about you. We’re going to listen to you and help you, because we want to show you what grace and trust feel like. God is grace and trust, so that’s who we are. We’re not going to reject you. We’re going to love on you.

We are all susceptible to sin or addiction. We all live in the flesh! When we acknowledge that, and welcome people in their flesh with love, we can help each other. We live in our flesh. But we also live in the Spirit. God says we’re righteous and holy. So we’re going to think that way. And we’re going to help each other and love each other.

You know who was the epitome of self-control? Jesus! More on this next time. See you Monday.

How Trust Releases Us From Shame

When you live in shame, you live in darkness. And the Bible says no to darkness. It says no to shame. We don’t live in darkness, we live in the light. And in the light, there’s trust.

But think about this: a lot of people in the church, a lot of Christians, feel these good intentions. They think, “Man, I can’t tell anybody that I am suffering with sin. I can’t tell anybody that I’m a drunk.” Or, “I can’t tell anybody that I have a sex addiction.” Or, “I can’t tell anybody that I verbally abuse my family.”

Jesus, light of the world

Jesus, Light of the World, 1854 William Holman Hunt

Basically they feel that they can’t tell anybody that they’ve got a demon in their closet. They feel so ashamed, and they fear the shame they will feel if they tell someone. They live in shame because they fear the shame of coming out!

This kills people. It kills them. And it happens because there are not enough people that we can actually trust with our shame and our fear.

If you live in the darkness and sit in that shame, sin will continue to grab you and continue to crush you. It could be in any area that causes you shame. As you continue to live in your shame, you continue in darkness. Jesus says, “No, no, no, no. Trust me when I say this. If you live in darkness, you live where sin and shame abound. You don’t want to be there. You cannot please me unless you trust me. And I’m inviting you to live in the light where grace and trust abound.”

We have Jesus! Jesus is the light, and the light exposes everything. The light frees us from shame, because sin can’t live in the light. Shame says, “Man, I’m addicted to pornography.” But then the light shines in and instead you say, “I’m addicted to pornography, and I need help, because I don’t want to live this addiction anymore.”

Obviously people are afraid to say anything like that, because they fear the judgment of other Christians. What if you could ask for help and have twenty people look at you and say, “Let’s go. We’re going to help you out.”

That would free you! Then you wouldn’t have to hide your shame. You wouldn’t live in guilt and darkness. You would be free, because the people that you turned to and opened up to helped you. They looked at you and said, “We trust you as a human being, and you trust us to ask for help. You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to love on you. We’re going to help you with this. You are not alone! Do you think you’re the only guy in the whole universe that has an issue? There are so many guys in the same shoes. Sex, porn, alcohol, drugs, whatever, these are billion dollar industries! You don’t have to be ashamed! Let’s shine the light on it. Sin can’t live in the light!”

There is so much we can do to help each other. More on this next time. See you Thursday.

Trust God. Trust Him!

Last time I wrote about the joy my family and I find in each other through trust. And I think living in joy the way that we do is scriptural. Hebrews 11:6 is just mindblowing for me, now that I have re-read it using this thought process of hanging in the room of grace.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

Do you see what Paul says here? Without faith, it is impossible to please God. So let’s think, what is faith? Faith is trust. So it is impossible to please God unless you trust Him. Not perform for Him. Not add up to all of His expectations. Not be perfect. No, no. None of that. Trust Him.

April 3 BlogTrusting God means that you trust Him when He tells you who you are. God says to you, “Because of your faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, you are now holy and righteous in everything that you do.”

Do you trust God in that?

I don’t think churches have done a very good job counseling believers in this area. I think that all too often, despite their good intentions, churches do not trust God. They trust in God, yes. And they trust that there is a God. But they don’t trust that God is who He says He is. And they don’t trust in who God says they are.

Here’s the thought process that can afflict the believer: “God thinks I’m righteous. So I need to act in a righteous way. I need to make sure I’m doing righteous things. So what does a righteous person do? Let’s see, I can’t lie, I can’t cheat, I can’t steal, I can’t…”

And so on. Paul says this is where all of scripture starts to unravel. This is why Paul says the Law stinks. The Law’s no good! The Law’s no good, because it makes you perform in order to receive God’s love and forgiveness.

The Law was good initially. It really was! It says you’re not supposed to lie. You’re not supposed to cheat and you’re not supposed to steal. You’re not supposed to serve any other god above God. You’re not supposed to commit adultery. Those are all good things! There’s nothing basically wrong with the requirements of the Law.

But sin came along and caused chaos in the Law. Causing chaos in human life and relationships is what sin does. Sin looks at the Law and says, “Perfect! You know what? If you lie, you’re evil and you deserve to go to hell. And you know what? If you cheat, then you’re not a good person. God’s going to frown on you. Do you know how much work you will have to do in order to be worthy of heaven? I’ll be you’re not even saved!”

That’s what sin does to you! It makes you live in shame. And when you live in shame, you live in darkness.

But the Bible says no to that. You don’t live in darkness. You live in the light. And in the light, there’s trust.

More on this next time. See you Monday.

The Power of a Loving Apology

There is nothing like living in a free home. After all we’ve learned from Truefaced.com, I understand that I can simply be who I am. I don’t have to fake anything. And my wife can be who she wants to be. She doesn’t have to fake anything. We live in the room of grace and we are so happy.

Since taking the Truefaced beta course, there have been times when Larisa and I look back on our life together and say to each other, “Man, we have performed so much in our marriage! We were trying, in our good intentions, to be a “good husband” or a “good wife,” just so that we would like each other.” And now, since we’ve done the Truefaced course and grown to understand the word trust, our marriage is so much better. We’ve grown so much in acceptance, and we help and support each other more than ever.

love-trustShe treats me with genuine kindness. Like any parent, I can experience some frustration with our sons. But when I do, she will calmly step in and say, “I’ve got it honey. Why don’t you take a little break?” She doesn’t get mad at me or anything like that. She gives me a well-timed assist.

In the same way, she can experience frustration too, and I can stay calm and help her. If she’s having a rough day, I ask myself, “How can I help calm her down? What can I do for her? Do I just need to encourage her? She’s obviously stressed, so maybe I need to step in and help out.”

We don’t get angry with each other. We know we’re going to live out of our flesh at times. Sometimes, we’ll say things that the boys find hurtful. Instead of blaming each other, we help. Larisa will come to me and say, “You know, when you were frustrated with Walker, you might have said something to hurt his feelings. You might want to talk to him about that.” And I will go to my son. I will say, “Hey Walker, did I hurt your feelings?” And if he says yes, then I apologize.

I’ve asked so many people, “Did your dad ever apologize to you?” And they always tell me, “No. My dad never apologized. Even when he was wrong, he never apologized, because he was the dad.”

I think that’s wrong! Our family has been developing trust, and in a relationship of trust, the dad isn’t right all the time. No one is. So I can go to my six year-old son and say, “Daddy was wrong. I made a mistake in how I talked with you and I made a mistake in how I treated you. I am sorry. Will you please forgive me?” And he forgives me.

The willingness to admit our mistakes is so powerful! My sons don’t fear me. They see me as approachable, because I’m willing to say I’m sorry. They realize, “My Dad might get a little upset but I know he’s going to love me, even when I mess up.” My sons don’t have to perform for me in order to earn my love. They know I will love them no matter what.

This freedom is awesome. I can see it in our children. I can see it in our marriage. There is no need to perform to earn love and acceptance. We just trust each other as human beings.

And with that, we find a lot of joy! This is scriptural. More on this next time. See you Thursday.