When You Marry Your Wife

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her… Eph. 5: 22-25

Do I think that I’m the head of my family? Yes. That’s scripture. As Jesus is the head of the church, so the man is the head of his family and the home. But men have someone to answer to. God says, “You answer to me.”

When I stand before God, He will say, “I viewed you as the head of your family. Did you love them as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her?”

This is a powerful message for a Christian man. How you treat your wife and how your treat your kids is very, very important. How are you loving on them? How are you giving yourself for them? How your marriage is going is on you. When it comes to my marriage, when it comes to my wife, it’s on me.

If the husband is head of his wife just as Jesus is head of the church, then in order to understand this scripture we need to look at what Jesus did. Well, He died on a cross for us. Some people take this to mean that you have to be willing to die for your family.

Well, of course I’d die for my family! But I don’t think that’s what this scripture means. I don’t think that’s the correlation. When Jesus died on the cross, He took our shame. He took our shame, our embarrassment, our terrible decisions, all of our sin, and He said, “It’s on me.” And so He died.

That’s the correlation. That’s what husbands take on. When you marry your wife you say, “I will love you as Jesus loves us. I will take the embarrassment. I will try to provide a shameless environment.”

I don’t think we do that now. I don’t think that men look at marriage that way. I don’t think men fully understand what it means to be a husband, or what it means to be the head of a family, or what it means to be in a marriage.

So many men say, “My wife just doesn’t want to submit. She never listens to me. She never wants to submit to me.” They shame their wives. To those men, I say this: “If you want your wife to submit to your decisions, then make sure you take on the responsibility to create a shameless environment when the decision is wrong. We as husbands need to create a shameless environment where they feel loved and accepted even when they are wrong. To protect her heart is more important then being right and making her feel shame in her faults.”

What if a man goes to his wife and says, “I will bend over backwards for you. I will take your shame and I will take your embarrassment. Any situation that you have, I will step in and I will take it for you.” What happens then? Something beautiful. You will see a woman who is very satisfied in the marriage. The wife reflects the marriage, right? She will tell you how the marriage is going. All you have to do is look at her.