Truefaced just published a book called The Cure and Parents. (Click the title for ordering information.) Here’s the blurb:
The Cure and Parents is our most requested felt-need resource. This is not a book on formulaic parenting or behavior management. The Cure and Parents is a book for the parent; highlighting how important it is to develop trust with your child. This resource will walk you through how grace allows us to face our own life experiences so that we can mature. This in turn will allow us to guide our children and offer them truth in a way they can trust.
I really connected to the theme of maturity. It’s important for parents to keep maturing, the book says, because our children will only mature as far as our immaturity takes them.
When I read that, it wrecked me. Because man, it is so true! As our kids grow up, we can treat them a certain way, but it’s only going to go so far. We can control them for a certain amount of time, and in fact we have to. When they are very young, they depend on us for everything. But eventually we have to build relationships of trust with them. If all we ever do is try to control them, then they may never mature past our immaturities.
This is so important to understand! My parents, my mom and dad, did they best they could. I truly believe that. But how I was raised, or how you were raised, or how my wife was raised, is going to be affected by our parents’ immaturities. If they had immaturities, then maybe we only matured to that point. As a result, we might carry some of that immaturity into our marriages and into the way we raise our children.
When parents try to raise their children from their legalism or law mentality, you can see their immaturity. Parents think, “if we can keep control then everything will be okay.” I’ve been there. I’ve tried it.
Do you see how this can cause generations of wounds? Someone has to break the cycle. Until someone looks within and decides no, I no longer want to be immature, we’ll continue to transmit wounds from generation to generation. Trust and healing come when we say, “I want to do things differently. I want to mature. I want to continue to grow. That way, when my children get into their maturity, they won’t mature past me. They’ll want to continue in relationship with me.”
I really want that with my children.
I know I’m going to mess up, but I’m committed to this. I try to sit back and ask, “What is God asking me to do here? How does He want me to handle this situation, traumatizing, little, big, whatever? What do I need to do, so that I can look at my son’s heart and protect it? How do I get my son to trust me and my opinion? How do I make sure he knows that he’s protected, but that what he is doing is not okay? How do I correct him without wounding him?”
I ask God for help because I know that this is what God does. He corrects me without wounding me. Those who love God see that. They love Him because He first loved them. They’re drawn to Him because of how He treats them.
I want to parent my sons the way God parents me so that they’ll look at me and love me, knowing that I loved them first.
More on this next time. See you Saturday.