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Children Loved in Grace and Freedom

In a life filled with grace, you receive such joy and fulfillment from loving your neighbor and doing the right thing that the law becomes unnecessary. You want to love, so that’s what you do. You love. You want to give, so that’s what you do. You give. You don’t need a set of rules to tell you to do it. It’s your lifestyle!

There are ways to teach our children about this. How often do we meet resistance when we say, “Clean your room!” When I tell one of my sons that he has to do something, the resistance can at times be incredible. There might be yelling, and jumping and stomping of feet. Doors might be slammed.

But what if I can look at him and say, “Hey bud, you know what? It’s your call.” What if I take my own son’s freedom into account? When I do, it is amazing. No one gets angry! I don’t yell at him and he doesn’t yell at me. If you can allow your children to make their own decisions, then you may not meet quite so much resistance.

I have learned to talk with my son, instead of making demands. I tell him, “You need to clean your room, because Mama has asked you to clean your room. I’m just letting you know that you can make your own call here. There are two roads you can take, and you’re the one who has to choose. If you take the wrong road, there will be consequences, but we’ll deal with them together. I’m going to help you, and I’m still going to love you. So it’s your call.”

So when it comes to doing his chores, my son knows it’s his choice. And I also tell him, “You can be angry. It’s okay to be angry. I’m not going to force you to clean your room. We’re living in grace here. I’m not going to tell you what you have to do. I’m going to help you understand what you should do. And then after that, it’s your call. If you make the wrong choice, we’ll handle it as we need to, in love. It’s up to you.” And then I just look at him, and he looks at me, and then he says, “Okay, I’ll clean my room.” And he does. He cleans his room and we go on with our day.

I’ve had to learn that my way of making decisions is not necessarily my son’s way of making decisions. My boys don’t have the same personality as mine. God has given each of them their own personalities. It’s tough to learn the personalities of your children and live in grace. It’s a challenge, but when we can do it, there’s freedom. There’s freedom in being able to allow our children to work in grace. There’s freedom in saying, “Hey, look, this is going to be better for you if you choose to do it, but it is your choice.”

I think God teaches us the same way. We have the freedom to choose between right and wrong, and when we choose wrong, there are consequences. But there is no condemnation. We’re living in grace here. God has brought us into His family, and He will help us deal with the consequences, in love. I’m going to love my son just as much if he doesn’t clean his room, even though my wife and I will discipline him. I will never love my son less. How much more does God love us?

More yet to come on grace.  See you Monday.

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