There’s nothing like a tough personal challenge to remind us that we’re only human. Baseball is tough enough without the personal challenges. Mentally it’s difficult. Emotionally it’s difficult. Our blood, sweat, and tears go into this sport. What you don’t see behind closed doors is how human we are. We’re not robots. We don’t like failing. We don’t like losing. And when we see things happen on the field, whether it be our fault or not, it’s very frustrating.
I’ve had a lot of frustration this year. I’ve had a lot of hurt, and not just in my body. My heart’s been hurt. My soul’s been hurt! And it wasn’t something that I was expecting. You come away from a world championship year like we had, and you walk back in expecting to have an awesome season. But it’s been so up-and-down, what with my arm hurting, and then another blowout of another knee.
The theme for me this year has been trust. God has been telling me to trust Him.
Obviously, I started this season trusting Him. Of course I trust God! But He turned up the heat on me. It’s easy to feel the trust when things go our way. When things don’t go exactly as we planned, we find out that trust is really hard. I’m going to be really honest with you. In my flesh, it’s very hard to trust this guy we call God, this God that we don’t necessarily see, or have audible conversations with.
I know His word is true, and I know what my soul feels when I truly trust Him. But still, it’s really hard sometimes.
Jesus says, “I’ve come for those who are sick. Those who are healthy don’t need doctors. I’ve come to heal those who are broken-hearted.” Well, I’ve needed my doctor this year. I really have. I’ve loved Jesus my whole life, and a lot of good things have happened. My bride and I have been married for 16 years. I have three wonderful boys, high energy boys, and yes, they do cause me physical pain sometimes! I’ve had a great career. I’ve had an unbelievable experience in San Fran, and I’ve had great teammates that I truly, truly love. I have all these good things, but there are still times when I need my doctor. Times when I need my daddy. And I feel like I’ve had that this year. I’ve really needed to lean on Him.
I have no problem telling God I’m angry. There might be theology out there that says you can’t do that. But I’m going to tell you right now, I rip my clothes and scream at the King all the time. And it’s okay. Because my heart opens up and He says, “That’s what I’m looking for. Open your heart to me. I want to heal it, and I will, as long as you can trust me.”
No one said being a Christian is easy. No one said that if you became a Christian, all your problems go away. I read something the other day that I will never forget. It said, when you start looking at all your problems, remember to start worshipping the problem-solver. That was huge for me. That’s been my year. In this scenario of trust that God asked me to walk in, He said to me, “You need to learn to adore me more.”
More on this next time. See you Thursday.