Home » Family » How To Be A Husband, Part 2

How To Be A Husband, Part 2

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Did Jesus sin? No.

Did He take our sin? Yes.

No matter what mistakes we make in life, Jesus says, “That’s okay. I died for that. I took the sins of all mankind.”

God turned His back because of all the sins of the world. And I’m talking about all the sins. I’m talking pedophiles, people that traffic human beings, murderers, rapists, cheaters, liars, God-haters, all of them. Jesus took all of this and said, “This is on me.” He says, “I died for them.”

So I try to do what Jesus told us to do. “Love your wife like Christ loves the church.” When you act like the man in the marriage, you say, “I take full responsibility for everything. One hundred percent yes.”

If your wife betrays you, it’s your fault. Will she stand before God? Yes. Will she have to own up to what she did? Yes. But ultimately it’s your fault. If your wife is not happy in the marriage, it’s on you, not on her. That’s literally what it means to love her, the way Christ loves the church.

Now when you and your wife disagree, you go behind closed doors and discuss things. You have a conversation. You say things to each other like, “Why did you make that decision? We need to do a better job in our decision-making process.”  But when people see you and your wife in public, it is on you. You take the blame for everything that goes down.

Sometimes my wife and I get into arguments. We’ll get into a big argument over something like finances or decisions that were made. We’ll get loud and it becomes a fight. And we say things.

I have found that the quickest way to heal my wife after an argument is to take full responsibility. I look at her and say, “You know what? This argument is my fault. I should have handled it differently. I should have said things way differently than what was said. I didn’t have to say these things.  I didn’t handle this the right way. And it caused a fight.”

And there’s a submission process that comes into play really, really quickly, because then she says, “Thank you. And I trust you. You know how I feel about this, but you also know I’ll trust your decision on it.”  She says that because I said, “This argument was my fault.”

That’s how I try to run things in our marriage. Do I do it well? No! But this is where Solus Christus comes into play.  I have some thoughts I want to share on that.  See you Friday.

13 thoughts on “How To Be A Husband, Part 2

  1. I agree with your point here, Jeremy. It is important to do your best to make the other person happy. It’s a responsibility that often gets overlooked. I’m glad that you reminded me of it.

    I like to look at apologizing even when I think I’m right as the, “sacrifice bunting of life”. It moves everyone up and you’ll have a better chance of winning in the end.

  2. Hi Jeremy, I’ve never left a comment on your blog, but I admire you, and what you’ve said here, and in the past. You’re a good man. Thanks for being you.

  3. Jeremy, your are a very inspiration Christian figure and baseball player.. You are truly a fan of my family. My brother is a pastor and is praying for you to visit his youth. Thank you for your encouraging words.

    P.s. Us Merced giants fans are your #1 Support!

  4. Jeremy, I really have a lot of respect for you. First, for enduring all of the highs and lows over the past three seasons with my beloved Giants. But more so, for using your position to spread Christ’s message. It’s obvious that being a ball player is what you do but not who you are. Keep up the good fight.

  5. I’ve waited all day Tuesday for your part 2 🙂 I was happy to see your post this morning.

    Again, as I agree 100% with all that you said, because WE, as my husband and I , live that way, by the word and through the word, we also believe in the submission going BOTH ways.

    Yes , the husband, head of the household is the one who takes charge, blame and responsibility, but the wife, the family is that mirror that reflects what the husband is.

    Look at yourself for instance. You’re a great Baseball pitcher, succesful, full of life, God loving, family man. If your wife and children weren’t reflecting this at home, in society and community they live in, YOU as the head of household wouldn’t have that amazing spark as an individual. It would be different if your’e a single man, but you’re head of a family, that mirrors YOU and you mirror IT!

    Yes you can take the blame for your wife’s unhappiness and discomfort in her family life, but You have to realize also that she has something that needs to contribute as the “Partner” head of the household.

    A wife/mom nurtures the household, keeps it a unit, a Home, makes sure everything is in order , everyone’s needs are met. It’s a pressure, just like the pressure you put on yourself to be fully responsible for everything.

    Jesus loved the church, but Jesus is part of that church.It’s a Full Circle. You and your wife and children are a unit, you can’t be head of family without one, they can’t be a family without you.

    In Christ, through Christ, we discuss, we argue, we come to a conclusion. Yes one has to bend a little and take more blame than the other, but that’s LIFE through Christ. He took blame for ALL of us, we can at least take a tiny bit every once and a while!

    Thank you so much for your inspirational blog. I can’t get enough.

  6. The idea that one needs a God, or a Jesus figure, to do the right thing is offensive, or at least naive. More often than not, I see men, and women, use religion, and dogma, to rationalize the idea that we should practice kindness to each other. Is that more authentic than Confucius telling us, nearly three thousand years ago, the Golden Rule, to do unto others? If you feel the need to rely on religion, you may want to consider that there have been literally tens of thousands of them, most with similar rhetoric. One thing that has been attributed to Jesus, which I believe holds more force than everything you’ve said is, “go out and fast, but tell no one.”

  7. Hm. I’m not quite sure how I feel about this….Maybe it’s because the word “submission” is such a strong word. HOWEVER, I do admire what you say and how you say it, and that you are making such a huge effort in your marriage. I’ve commented here before about how so many relationships these days are disposed of because either one or both people wanted to give up and throw in the towel.

    To me, marriage is about being in a partnership; although it’s not always going to be equal. It’s not about submitting to someone….although it is about working towards a common goal. And that goal is about mutual love and respect for each other as well as the family.

  8. Hi Jeremy, this is a very good post. You are really a good man! It’s not easy to be a husband, hold the responsibility as he is the head of the family, but as a wife, she should support her husband with her prayer. Husband and wife should respect each other.

    I will go through your blog more. I believe I will learn something from your blog 🙂

    Please visit my blog if you have time and I would be more than happy if you are willing to share your thought there 🙂

    http://www.mylifeismyrainbow.wordpress.com

  9. Just saw your tweet– there is nothing outdated about a woman being submissive in a marriage. I wish more men my age shared your viewpoint. A woman can be submissive yet still have a voice! I believe that a man is the backbone of every family or marriage– it’s his role and his duty to be the dominant force. Sadly, too many men fail on this regard and never take their role as father or husband seriously.

    Sometimes I think people have such a hard time with the term “submissive” because of all the negative connotations associated with it. People need to remember that men and women aren’t the same– we weren’t created to function the same! We have different roles and that’s okay! And, at the same time, men and women depend on each other.

  10. When one, man or woman, submits their responsibility and accepts their humanity/error it changes the whole spectrum of an argument. This I know from my experiences, glad to see someone else feels this way as well.

    Thank you for your blog Jeremy. When I told you in Philly I loved your blog, I meant it, as I do now. Youve presented a way of looking at Christianity that makes a lot of sense and feels right to this admitted skeptic of organized religion. You keep writing, I’ll keep reading… we’ll see what happens. Thank you.

  11. Given the state of Christianity and more specifically, some Christians, these days, I am always a bit relieved when I run across someone making actual sense. Which you are. So kudos to you for that 🙂

    I asked you this on Twitter but you probably didn’t see it or didn’t have time to respond, so I thought I’d ask here, too. What’s your opinion on the school of thought that wives have to respect their husbands, even if the husbands don’t deserve it? The church I went to lumped all of us singles together in some sort of bizarre “training for marriage” Bible study where they told us (the ladies) that if our husbands treated us poorly, it was because his respect tank was empty and we needed to fill it up. No matter what.

    I…did not take that “instruction” very well. I believe in partnerships, not obligations.

    Anyway. Thank you for being a good man. It’s rare these days, and I hope it rubs off on your boys as they grow older 🙂

    • Laughter, what’s helped me with that school of thought (as someone who views marriage similarly as Jeremy) is that the bar is set higher for the men in marriage. Assuming what you say about that church’s teaching is correct, I’d say that they’re not viewing marriage beginning with the mutual submission to Christ and more focused on the respect the men are supposed to have, rather than the sacrificial love that the men are supposed to have for their wives. When Ephesians 5 says that husbands are to love their wives sacrificially the way Christ loves the church, that means the burden of responsibility begins with the husbands’ love for their wives. Wouldn’t it be easier for wives to respect their husbands if their husbands loved their wives sacrificially and unconditionally first?

      It’s sad when churches twist the teachings that way…

  12. In my opinion – and this is only MY opinion – that there is some confusion about the word “submit” vs. “surrender”. I don’t think submit means “giving UP yourself” – that’s surrender. It means “giving OF yourself”, and this is a choice. As a Christian, I SURRENDER my life to Christ, in other words give it up. As a wife, I submit to my husband when I give of my self by working with him, compromising, voicing my opinion, and sometimes even agreeing to disagree. Is he the head of the household? Absolutely, because that is the role he was assigned by God.

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