Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her… (Eph. 5: 22-25)
Do I think that I’m the head of my family? Yes. That’s scripture. As Jesus is the head of the church, so is the man the head of his family, and the head of his home.
But I have someone to answer to. God says, “You answer to me.” When I stand before God, He will say, “I viewed you as the head of your family.”
This is a powerful message for a Christian man. How you treat your wife and how your treat your kids is very, very important. How your marriage is going is on you. When it comes to my marriage, when it comes to my wife, it’s on me. Everything is on me.
People read this scripture and think, “If a man is the head of his wife and family just as Jesus is the head of the church, then in order to know what a man should do, we need to look at what Jesus did.” And what did Jesus do? He died on a cross. So then people say this scripture means that you have to be willing to die for your family.
Well, of course I’d die for my family! But I don’t think that’s what this means. I don’t think that’s the correlation. Here’s the correlation: when Jesus died on the cross, He took our shame. He took our shame, He took our embarrassment, our terrible decisions, all our sin, and He said, “It’s on me.” And so He died.
That’s what husbands take on. When you marry somebody, you say, “I’m taking you, and you’re coming under me. Every decision that you make, right or wrong, will reflect onto me. And I will take the embarrassment if I have to. I will take the shame.”
I don’t think we do that now. I don’t think that men look at marriage that way. I don’t think men fully understand what it means to be a husband, or what it means to be the head of a family, or what it means to be in a marriage.
So many men say, “My wife just doesn’t want to submit. She never listens to me. She never wants to submit to me.” To those men, I say this: “If you want your wife to submit to you, make sure you take on the embarrassment. Make sure you take on the shame whenever the decision is wrong. No matter what, it’s never her fault. Ever. It’s never her fault.”
The wife reflects the marriage, right? She will tell you how the marriage is going. All you have to do is look at her.
So go to your wife and say, “I will bend over backwards for you. I will take your shame and I will take your embarrassment. Any situation that you have, I will step in and I will take it for you.” When you do that, you will see a woman who is very satisfied in the marriage. Now she knows that she doesn’t have to be afraid of her husband. She doesn’t have to worry about what her husband thinks.
Some people say that I have an extreme point of view, but look at Jesus and this is what you’ll see. I’ll tell you about that on Tuesday.