Thanks for all the great comments on last Friday’s post. I commented, too, and the link is here if you want to read it. In criticizing pre-nups, I was not insisting that people stay in abusive marriages. I understand that the unforeseen can arise in a marriage. There might be appropriate times to separate or even divorce. For me, abuse is a different story.
I think that it’s a huge decision to make a vow before God. And if there’s a pre-nup involved, then there’s an automatic excuse to get out of it. You’re just saying you’ll give it a try and see how things go, but if it gets too hard, you can leave. And that’s not how you make a lifelong commitment.
You’re not going to be happy all the time. You’re not going to agree on everything. If my wife agreed with me on everything, I would never grow as a human being. I would never change or get better. My wife is my helpmate. She’s my soul mate. I asked her to help me through life. When I married her I said to her, “I need your help here. I need your companionship. I need someone that can help guide me and be able to tell me when I’m wrong.”
And when she does tell me I’m wrong, I need to be able to say, “You know what? You’re right. Thank you for showing me that.” There are always going to be things that I need to see and can’t see. She helps me with that. I help her. We push each other.
When we got married, the church I rented for the wedding wanted to know if we had been through marriage counseling, and I said yes. We went through six months of counseling, and our counselor and his wife took us through everything in life. We talked about things like finances and how we were going to raise our kids, and how we thought about all kinds of things. It put us through the wringer. Did we disagree? Absolutely we did! And we had to work those things out.
I’ve seen marriages where a man says to his wife, “You’re supposed to submit to me. I’m the head of this family, so you do what I say.” Men like that kill the voice of women in marriage, and that is absolutely wrong. But it happens. Then the wife lives her whole life thinking, “I guess I just have to agree with my husband on everything.” Those couples don’t seem to really talk. You don’t see anything good come out of that.
Do I think I’m the head of my family? Yes. That’s what scripture says. But what that means to me might really surprise you. See you Friday.